Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Trying to Hope

Evie made it through the night, which is a victory by itself. The nurses and doctors said that her vitals have improved some since being on the machine that supports her heart and lungs. It is our understanding that every moment that passes with her staying steady or improving is a step in the right direction. However, it is important for us to remember that she is being fully supported by medication and machines and she is still in critical danger. Last night before bed we pleaded with God to have mercy on her and give her a miraculous turnaround by morning. While this did not happen, we are still giving thanks that she is still with us and not declining.

Today we are finding that we don't know what to do with ourselves. In the NICU we had the privilege of spending all the time we wanted with her, and even got to hold her much of the time. Time flew when we got to be with her. Now, we can barely be in her room because things are so intense that we can't risk getting in the way. Plus, she is fully sedated and looks very terrible She's bloated, her chest is open (but coverd with gauze), and she is hooked up to machines. It is hard to be with her even when we are allowed. The question I have been asking myself since the beginning of all this is "How can I be her parent now?" Now when she is so removed from us that question is even more difficult to answer. We find ourselves just sitting and waiting, and trying to hope.

We believe in God's ability to heal and her ability to fight. Please pray for her to have strength.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dearest Nicole and Matt,
We remain with you through the night and the day, praying, praying, gently praying with every bit of strength and every waking moment.
You are parenting Evie beautifully, simply because you love her so much...
The greatest of these is love... and you are doing that 24/7 most especially in the waiting!
Know that we are lovingly holding you...
God be with you,
Mary

Mama K said...

Dear Nicole and Matt,
We do not know each other, but we are friends of the Kishlers, who shared your situation with us. Please know that we are praying for Evie Marie and for you.

Lord, have mercy.
Brian, Kendra, and Miles Hunter

Anonymous said...

Matt and Nicole, I've been praying and praying for Evie all yesterday last night this morning and I will continue to pray until she is well again. And then I will pray for her parents... to give them the strenght they need to raise a healhty beatiful baby girl. She made it trough the night that to me is a good sign. I love you all. Carol

Anonymous said...

Matt and Nicole- We are following your story and want you to know that your Minnesota friends are praying and aching with you during this time. Your little girl is just beautiful, and we want to meet her! Stay strong and know that our prayers are with you night and day. This is not how parenting is suppose to start out, so be strong and lean on the Lord and anyone else that is around you! Thank you so much for taking the time to write- Wayne and Pam Pearson and family (some MN friends!)

Anonymous said...

Matt and Nicole -- We are praying for you and little Evie Marie too, and I've asked other friends to pray for you. My scripture reading today was about Jesus blessing the children. May our Lord bless little Evie Marie and heal her.

God bless you too,
Ruth Baum

Xtina said...

Matt and Nicole --

still praying, always praying. my heart is with you.

Christina

Anonymous said...

Matt and Nicole
Don't worry about how to parent Evie right now. You ARE her parents. The decisions and the waiting the prayer and every moment you have fixed your lives to be there for her. That is parenting. We are all with you. I know that God hears you and so does your daughter. Nicole I knew the moment I saw Molly that she was mine and I was hers. You carried this baby in you belly she knows you are momma.
Matt I know that Evie knows you are dad she hears your voice and feels you there. You are doing great in the hardest of situations. We pray for better days and strength, wisdom and healing until then Much love, The Benders

Anonymous said...

Matt & Nicole

Know our prayers are with you each moment praying God will strengthen little Evie for everyday of her fight.
I pray that God grants you two strength through this, that he lifts you up and holds you close.
Blessings to you,
The Aiken Family
Mathew, Randi (Novak) & Anders

Anonymous said...

Matt & Nicole

Know our prayers are with you each moment praying God will strengthen little Evie for everyday of her fight.
I pray that God grants you two strength through this, that he lifts you up and holds you close.
Blessings to you,
The Aiken Family
Mathew, Randi (Novak) & Anders

Anonymous said...

we are with you. in tears, in prayer, and in hope. God ceated this sweet baby girl. He knows knows her name, he knows her needs, and he is there with her, holding her when you can't. and we're here, holding all of you to Him. cathy whitten

Anonymous said...

Matt & Nicole

Know our prayers are with you each moment praying God will strengthen little Evie for everyday of her fight.
I pray that God grants you two strength through this, that he lifts you up and holds you close.
Blessings to you,
The Aiken Family
Mathew, Randi (Novak) & Anders

Anonymous said...

Matt and Nicole,
Our hearts go out to you and we are praying for wisdom for the doctors, strength for you and total healing for your sweet baby girl.

Nadine and Ken McNabb

Anonymous said...

I am praying for you guys and the baby. It's good to hear that she made it through the night. I will continue to lift you all up.

Mark

Anonymous said...

Matt and Nicole~

I'm so sorry for all that you and little Evie are going through. You continue to be in our prayers. I got this daily Bible verse text yesterday morning and immediately thought of you and Nicole (it was so very fitting for us as well)... The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. ~Psalm 34:18

Our love is being sent your way!

Anonymous said...

That last comment was from Heather and Karl... :)

Cara Schroeder said...

Hello,
We go to Church with Connie Dumoulin. Our daughter, Katherine Rose has had several open hearts and we also have found ourselves in your position. Time is measured in minutes not days. Life is found inside the walls of the hospital. We found ourselves with only God to turn to, even the Dr's had things taken out of their control. Know you are in our thoughts and prayers, and please feel free to contact us as it is a special bond to understand the feeling of having your little one go through so much.

We also just read your latest post, and I wanted to share when our Katherine Rose was in a drug enduced coma, we could only hold her hand...but that was so important. Read your favorite scriptures to her. Pray with her. Know that you are being her parent by doing that, being on top of the medical situation, and holding onto your faith.
You remain in our thoughts and prayers.
Paul, Cara, Grant and Katherine Rose Schroeder

Anonymous said...

We've never met. I am following your story through the blog updates. I am a friend of Patty.

My heart aches for both of you and I am praying for your comfort and strength and peace in these dark hours.

I am praying for your sweet little Evie, that her heart will grow stronger with each beat and that she will show you signs of improvement soon.

You are such wonderful parents. Do not doubt that. There are so many of us who are with you in spirit.

Peace and Prayers,
Julie

Anonymous said...

Matt and Nicole

I am also a friend of Patty, and have been following your blog.

I am praying for you and for Evie, for strength, for healing, and for peace. For you to feel God's deepest abiding love surrounding you always.

Please know that you ARE parenting her, right now. You love her so much, you are right there in the thick of things, you are absolutely doing what's best for your precious girl.

Please be gentle with yourselves and each other, and know that you have so many friends (tho' we've never met) praying for you and your family.

Kath

Anonymous said...

Dear Nicole and Matt,
Devyn has shared our story with me and please know that our prayer network in Seattle is on our knees for little Evie.
Pam Christensen

Patty K said...

You are being parents in the best way possible -- as much as or better than many of us -- you are raising a little Christian surrounded by prayer and love.

Have you tried reading psalms or signing hymns, either in her presence or not, just to God? If you're looking for something to DO at this point, it's just a suggestion.

Anonymous said...

Dear Matt and Nicole,

Our hearts go out to you, and we add our fervent prayers to those many already given for you and for Evie. We pray for God to touch her body, to hold her steady and bring her through this, and to hold both of you along with her in His deep, deep love and mercy.

Lord, hear our prayer.
Marlene Bramer

Anonymous said...

Matt and Nicole,
I am praying for you, I wish I could do more, but just know that you are a constant in my mind,heart, and prayer. Know that there are people who love and support you both and Evie across this country. I hope that you can feel our arms around you. All my love.
Paulina Hazen

Cherith said...

Matt and Nicole, you are not alone. Not in that hospital or at the feet of the throne of the Great Healer.

Peace and rest.

Anonymous said...

Dear Matt, Nicole and Evie Marie,
Just want you to know you have at least 20 of us from the Oakland, CA Community Bible Study class praying for you all. We've been praying with you since the beginning, and we will continue to do so. May our Lord comfort and strengthen you.

Sammi said...

Dear Matt and Nicole, please know that so many of us at HCC are praying for you and sweet little Evie. May she grow stronger by the hour and may both of you sense God's presence near you during this difficult waiting time. You remain in the hearts and prayers of all of us here who love you both and precious Evie.

Brooke said...

Matt and Nicole,

Nothing more to say than everyone else, but I'm definitely thinking of you both and wishing you all the strength you need to get yourselves and Evie through these difficult times. May you feel God's presence and hand along the way, and may you be supported and loved by all who care for you so deeply. You are wise and compassionate even in the midst of such horrible times--thank you for sharing your story and thoughts with us.

Brooke

Kimberley said...

Nicole and Matt,
Prayers are being said daily for you and your little one.
Strength and courage for you both and healing and recovery for Evie Marie. Wisdom for the medical staff and peace for all who love you and are lifting you up.
Psalm 46:10 says 'Be still and know that I am God'. In our stillness he can comfort us. Kimberley O'Connell
Oregon